Dear Simone

JM,

How did you expect me to find you? You left with no clue and stopped talking to me. No consideration. No explanation. She found out we were talking, and you lied to me. But I didn’t look for you?! You are a hard man to find. I don’t want to make too much noise looking for you. I’ll end up at your door. I don’t want to be that crazy girl anymore.

Did you tell her you don’t love her? Were you at least honest with her? She thought it was “F” me, but you still think of me. If you hadn’t lied, she wouldn’t have known. I called you because you didn’t show up. I texted you; she texted back. Did you forget? she was pregnant with your child, due the NEXT MONTH, and you lied to me. You can never be upset with me. You handled it all wrong. You made it clear I was replaceable even though you said otherwise. You remind me every day when I’m waiting on you for hours. I still message you. No matter what I’m doing. I still show up. I still choose you. But you don’t and you make it clear.

Not sure how you can say I don’t look for you, when you never show up. Then you assume to know what I’m feeling, and you go 0-100. You don’t even ask questions. My mood depends on yours. So yes, if I’m all over the place that means you’re all over the place. Why can’t you just ask questions to confirm?

And before you start thinking about the past, I’m talking about since this last time we started talking. No, you didn’t show up to our date we made a week in advance, but you did show up when my car broke down. I’m grateful. But you’re not going to see the problem here. I’m ashamed to say that I wait for your message. The other end gets quieter and quieter. But I still make time for you.

So, how do I not look for you?