Dear Simone

I used to sleep with you around because I felt safe enough, too. My night terrors weren’t as bad, and if something were to happen, I knew you’d protect me. I was safe. You’d never let anything happen to me because you would give your life for me.

After the SA I really needed that. I couldnt sleep for a year. I couldnt let my gaurd down. Even when I was alone. I felt the saddest when Jeh Nay would stay with me because I didn’t know if I’d wake up from a dream swinging. I did many times.

I would cry randomly and feel unsafe. I had many panic attacks and no one to turn to. A lot in public. I would feel unsafe everywhere I went. Sometimes I’d have to lock myself in the car and sleep for a bit. That’s how I got prescribed sleeping meds. Even that didn’t work. 100mg of trazodone was not working. After a while, I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t anymore. I really needed you.

I really thought you’d be back this time. But now I’m thinking you will always continue to disappoint me in the same ways as before.

I love you.

BB