Dear Simone

Dear Simone,

I don’t really know what it’s like to have a choice. Everything was chosen for me. It feels like when I had a choice, I didn’t really. I’ve been conditioned to believe I don’t deserve anything. So, my mentality has been ” I don’t think I deserve anything, but I don’t WANT THAT.”

Today I was too sad and tired to care about my hair. I’ve been straightening it every day before work for a month and slowly decreased to every other day, then every 3 days then today I went to work with my curly hair. I was scared and I worried about the comments. I was disappointed in myself because I didn’t want to show anyone here, my “TRUE FORM.” But no one said anything. It’s very noticeable. You cannot miss the mini ‘fro. But no one cared. That’s nice, I think.

I went to the gas station across work and bought a muffin. I ate it from stress after no one commented on my hair. It took me back to Georgia and North Carolina. When I was pregnant with Jeh Nay, I craved blueberry muffins so much. It was so bad that the studio apartment we lived in was for college students, which means they had vending machines. I would buy all the muffins they had and cry if I didn’t get them all. When those would run out, I would have A.A. take me to the closest gas stations and work our way out to the furthest I could walk to. There was a time I bought them all in my surrounding area and made A.A. drive me around to the other gas stations. That craving eventually went away after 4 months. Jeh Nay loves blueberry muffins.

TTYS,

BB