Dear Simone,
First day was fine. My cousin was able to train me 3 days in a row, not bad. But everything that could go wrong did. The doctor was rear-ended, the tech called in, the receptionist quit the week before, my manager had really no time to train me or show me anything but the break room. The optician was 2 hours late and the company accidentally added me to a district in Ohio, which means none of my logins work and I tried letting them know a few times. They requested for me to not send them multiple requests. I can’t watch the videos or read any of the books. So, I went straight to shadowing.
I did a lot of observing. The patients seemed to need some sort of connection with the staff. It’s very repetitive for us, but for them it’s an experience that can determine the rest of their day or even future investment. The staff was focused on working as a team to better the experience for the patient. You can’t do that without connection. I started to wonder, “what if I don’t belong? or what if I can’t keep this facade like everyone else?”
I’m starting to notice people seem to talk to others the way their parents talked to them. It’s true they become your inner voice. Mine is dark or grey and full of doubt. Part of me wants to connect but I don’t know how to. My inner voice isn’t very nice either. I blame this on my parents and their abuse/neglect. Now I have a lifetime of work to do. Retraining myself has not been easy nor have I managed to change many things. At least in my opinion. People tell me I am better, I am different. Maybe I’m just being too hard on myself.
Anyways…I missed you yesterday, I miss you today and I know I’ll miss you tomorrow.
Love,
BB
Dear Simone 