Dear Simone

Dear Simone,

Losing you would be like losing the little bit of sanity I have. I cannot bear the thought.

We lost a guinea pig. JN’s guinea, Corgi. It’s a normal process everyone goes through it seems like. Circle of life, I guess.

I don’t think I experienced death as I should have.

My parents made it a secret, or I wasn’t allowed to ask when a pet died. I wasn’t allowed to mention it ever again.

My mom lost her mother when I was 15. I remember coming home and seeing her laying down on the couch, crying her eyes out.

When I was 23 my mother lost her brother, and I had to make the decision to unplug him because she couldn’t. My dad made it more traumatizing. Story for another day.

That same year I lost a “friend.” I’ve been wanting to visit the cemetery.

I lost my first adult choice pet, my guinea Armani Salvatore [insert last name here]. It was right after being the sickest I have ever been…with Covid. He was so happy the night before. He was usually a grump, but I loved him anyways. He was just like me.

This year my dad lost his mother.

And now we lost Corgi.

The scary part is that I’ve always teased death, in my younger years. So, I can feel when death is around.

I had a dream that my grandmother was sick before she died.

Then another before my uncle died.

And when Armani died.

With my dad’s mom, it was more of a feeling but I just wasn’t sure where or with who it was directed.

Corgi I had a feeling. I just kept seeing him in my head with the thought of him dying.

I found him lying there unable to get back up. He was just fine this morning ! I carefully picked him up and laid him on my desk. I texted Jeh Nay.

When he was in his final hours. I couldn’t just let him die lonely. I placed a towel underneath him for comfort and covered his body in case he was cold. I placed him in a fabric organizer, one for arts and crafts that zips around the top. I laid him next to me on the bed while I watched a show. He never liked us petting him or caressing him. Only when I bathed him but even then, he would shake us off like “OK ! Enough petting !” I tried caressing him while he was laying with me and even in his weak state…he shook me off. Stubborn little guy.

I couldn’t eat or drink water, and I became almost uncomfortable. Almost like death couldn’t take him until I moved him. I still didn’t want him alone, so I put him next to Hammy. He passed 5 mins later. I felt the heaviness leave and went to check on him. He wasn’t breathing. He was gone.