Life

mr6am,

I’ll never forget you either. You were the start of my beginning. The reason I was able to get out of that toxic relationship with Jeh Nay’s dad. You helped me see what he was doing was abuse. And you helped mold the woman I am today.

I hate electric cars too. I didn’t have a choice in buying it, but it helped me out a lot. Helped us. Now every time I see a teal Prius, I wonder if that’s mine, the one they are driving. It’s actually “Sea Glass” but whatever.

We did go everywhere in that car. That car was my home. That car had our backs. I named her Betsey, and it wasn’t a cop that flashed the light in your ass ! It was some rando, with a flashlight. Probably a perve. Who knows what goes on at night in that spot because, why else would he shine flashlights in cars ?!

I don’t miss the Prius either. I just miss our quality times in it. You were the only person that drove around with me everywhere. Just happy to be in my presence.

I do remember Dizzy’s. We had a lot of firsts there. I thought that would be the start of our forever. But it didn’t work out that way. Life had other plans.

I could tell you were happy to see me. Your lip would always quiver for me and you would try to hide it. We had a lot of funny moments in that car. A lot of lessons. A lot of reckless moments.

We practically lived in that car. It was an extension of our relationship. Talking to you til the sun came up was therapeutic. Freeing.

I cannot believe you remembered I used to drink coconut rum ! I even forgot about those. Or the Al Capones. I miss smoking with you. You taught me how to hold it, ash and multitask. You didn’t mind if I smelled like tobacco. You knew it was my only stress reliever. Remember the withdrawal I went through from the clove cigars; I liked so much? I would twitch and toss and turn and you would just try. You saw all my ugly and I think it made you love me more.

After us, I continued to smoke and even got used to Black n Milds. 7 years. 7 long years later, I finally kicked the habit and accepted I had to let you go.

I thought I would have your first child from how bad you wanted it. I wasn’t ready. I was scared. I was still fighting Jeh Nay’s dad.

I was always lurking. Hoping I’d see you in the street or by your mom’s house. I would jump out and hug you. I pictured it every time. But that never happened. I never lost hope though. I still look for you.

I was hoping you’d save me again. I really needed someone, and I had no one. But I was happy for you. Happy you had kids.

I hope you know, it’s ok to love her.

I hated that Prius too, but she always brought me back to you.

Every time I went through something, I thought, “JM would never do this to me!”

That Prius continued to be my home after you. She finally gave out last year. The amount of work it needed was about 5 grand, not including the labor and she was only worth 2 grand at best. I had to let her go.

I cried that day. I thought about you… Like it was the death of our child. Our memories, our history…just gone. I still had some of your things in there. I could not believe it was yet again, time to let go more of you.

I guess I should tell you that…I …. kind of… put a curse… on you. To go around life seeing my birthday and searching for me. That every single time you did something you would think of me. That your new life would never let you forget me. Petty, I know.

But anyways,

Cheers to new chapters, grown-ups and family. (ClinkClink).