Green Sclera

Dear Simone,

Next week I have a skin biopsy. Which I’m not nervous about. The one that worries me is the head CT. I’m scared I’ll have to shave my head or lose my hair. Funny how that’s what worries me. Not the “what if you actually have cancer?”

Yesterday I scrubbed the tub and walls. Wiped down the counters and mirror, cleaned the toilet, took the trash out. I want to clean more, I just don’t have the motivation or energy.

I started talking to JM again, as friends. I miss the passion. He’s a “ride or die.” No questions asked. More than anything I need a friend who understands me. ‘Saint doesn’t. He’s different. It’s not his fault. He tries, but he doesn’t get it.

Is it bad that I’m at work asking my Aztec ancestors to have the patients fall off the schedule, AND it’s actually happening !?

I’m scared that my body will be too old to carry more children, and I’ll regret it later.

Jeh Nay had a hard time waking up today. She still needs to get used to her sleep schedule. I made her go to school anyways and when we get there, in the line, for her to get out of the car, she realizes she forgot her binder. Great. I couldn’t go back. I was already late for my hour long drive to work. She ignored me the rest of the day. Sigh…I can never win with her. Everything is my fault even if I wasn’t there.

Did you know… ‘Saint is my dad’s favorite?