Lucky 13

1. Her favorite child is T.V.
2. She only cooked for dad and T.V.
3. Called me about a squirrel. “Can I call you? Are you sitting?”
4. Always drives into the potholes
5. Goes through journals and everything else when we’re gone
6. Went through my diary when I was 7, and I never trusted her again
7. Went through my journal in HS and repeated my writing to me even tho they were just dreams.
8. 8th grade said I was a whore and she wouldn’t be surprised if I dropped out from getting pregnant. I was still a virgin.
9. She told me that maybe if I lost weight and smelled better, he would like me.
10. Blamed it on me for her staying with my dad – I was 3.
11. She told me, “You tried so hard not to end up like me and now look at you. Worse.”
12. Told me about her ex, who got another girl pregnant.
13. Watched as dad beat my ass.
14. Instigated everything.
15. Blamed me for everything.
16. Always says “its because you’re not taking your vitamins.”
17. Always tries to give me what im allergic to.
18. She digs through the trash to see what we throw away and will put it back on our beds – period underwear. Said I could’ve washed it.
19. Didn’t teach me anything about periods
20. Never pays attention or remembers
21. Can’t cook or season food
22. Very jealous mother
23. Talked to me about her problems with my dad
24. I asked her to help us make tamales, but instead, she wanted to do them with T.V. and made them wrong
25. Gave me every single thing back when they kicked me out. Even the things I bought for her.
26. Begged her to help shave my legs for the first time. She had me stand in front of the balcony window while people walked by. I was so embarrassed and hurt. 13 years old
27. She let Dr. Browning do my vaginal exam. Told me it was fine because he’s a doctor. I told her I didn’t want a man looking at me down there. She didn’t care. When I started crying saying the qtip hurt, she told me to stop lying because it doesn’t. I was 7.
28. She didn’t let me play
29. I wasn’t allowed to have toys
30. She hung all my stuffed animals on the walls
31. She would paint and redo things/furniture in ways I didn’t like, and she didn’t care
32. She didn’t have a conversation with me after I caught them having sex
33. I got stuck in between the matress and the wall, and they kept going
34. She would purposely make him mad at me so he would be happy with her and have sex
35. When I hugged Toño at the Arlington house on the corner, we fell on the bed, but I got up right away. He told my dad, who brought it up at the buffet. Instead of having a conversation, mom accused me of being a zorra una qualquiera.
36. Instead of making him responsible for me she didn’t want to deal with him do when she would go to work she would leave my food out on the counter or the play kitchen and tell me not to wake him.
37. My mother never hugged me.
38. When I had an ear infection, I had to wait until my dad came back from work, but I was crying from the pain. She told me to shut up already.
39. She never wants to do me favors. My dad forces her and does it in a bad mood.
40. Threw away the food I cooked
41. Didn’t learn how to take care of my hair
42. Would complain about straightening my hair
43. Would cut my hair badly herself instead of at the salon like her, my dad and sisters
44. She didnt protect me.
45. I couldnt tell her when i was raped or someone hurt me.
46. Always has an unsolicited opinion.
47. Drinks apple cidar vinegar every day.
48. Bent over all the way to show her flexibility without hesitation when the chiropractor was still a man.
49. She had me in the room while she was getting her pap done. Wouldn’t let me leave.
50. Showered with me naked.
51. Let my dad shower with me
52. She wasn’t supportive in anything that had to do with me.
53. She didnt drive.
54. She told me now she was ready to have a baby. (8 months pregnant with T.V )
55. She always thinks she’s better than everyone
56. Thinks shes healthy or knows best
57. She always called me fat
58. Is against me taking pills for mental health
59. Had male doctors do her exams
60. Taught me how to be sneaky
61. Radio at 13
62. Bought thongs by accident and just gave them to me, I was 11
63. She used to tell me I smell even when I didn’t
64. She doesn’t listen
65. She doesn’t understand anything
66. Doesn’t speak up
67. Has no respect for me as a mother or my instructions
68. She has a big square head
69. Shes slow – mentally and physically
70. Denied me bladder rights
71. Expected me to know things
72. She expects us to just know things
73. Says no to everything
74. Lies to manipulate things her way