4 Herman’s is Leaving

Dear Simone,

Yesterday I found out my new favorite bakery is closing. Of course, it is…all my favorite foods close or get discontinued. Just my luck. Not sure why I have to grieve everything. Maybe intense attachment?

I had a crush on this girl in High School. Everyone did. Everyone thought she was the most beautiful cheerleader and volleyball player. And she really was. Petite curvier build, long black wavy hair. Finer facial features. Her dad is Mexican, her mom is white. Has a pretty unique name too. She’s a year older than me. She lost her favorite aunt in high school to cancer. She was bulimic. I caught her throwing up in the middle of the day a few times. I never asked anything. It was later confirmed on Facebook when she was ready to voice out her journey. She would also insist I use her lotion for my face because I had dry skin. They were too embarrassed to look at me.

My dad wouldn’t buy me lotion or deodorant or perfumes. I always had to use a friend’s or my mom’s.

She lost her brother last week. It was so sudden. My assumption is he was dealing with depression. I looked through his pictures. No one talks about “the look.” The look that depressed or suicidal people have. I recognize it the minute I see it and i get sad, thinking “you were a part of the silent club all along.” M heart was sad for her, and I don’t know why it hit me so hard.

I had a crush on him when I was younger, but I never talked to him or knew much about him. He leaves behind his wife, 3 kids, parents, sisters, cousins and friends. And me. A stranger.