Hippopotamus

Dear Simone,

Lately I’ve been feeling the need to have physical pain. C-ing wasn’t enough, so I reorganized Jeh Nay’s room. When that wasn’t enough, I tried to go to the YMCA and swim or stay in the hot tub or sit in the steam room or sauna. I try to walk more steps than normal. That wasn’t enough, so I reorganized the work furniture in the office. Still not enough. I need to get back in the gym. I need to feel the pain of weights in my muscles.

I’m going to keep saying this until it stops. Life has a funny way of showing me things.

I decided to add “reading together” in our routine. We started reading this random book. Right away we could both relate. The main character just started 6th grade. The mom buys multiple of the same clothing she has, and the daughter is in soccer with similar insecurities as Jeh Nay. I was only able to convince her that first day to read with me.

I think I needed a mentor more than anything.

Jeh Nay has a hard time pronouncing: Massachusetts – “Massa-CHU-CHETS”; Parachuter – “Para-CHA-HOOTER”; Situated – “Chi-chu-ated.”

I found a new artist to listen to. He speaks about similar scenarios, inner thoughts and mental health issues I have. He resonated with me so well. I added his songs to my favorites list. I would never let you listen to him though. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you looked at me with pity. Your innocent eyes.

Maybe one day I’ll be vulnerable,