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JANUARY 5

Dear Simone,

I never wanted to be the type of person that has to wait for someone or a man for something. When I was younger, in order for my mom and I to have anything, my mom would keep the change or steal the change from my dad so we could sneak out to Kmart to buy things. Sometimes, it would be paint or tracing paper or activity books for me. I wasn’t allowed to have toys, but I could have plushies and books.

Working at the Call Center, I didn’t understand how some people would be scared to go anywhere new, like a new clinic we opened up downtown. These same people came into the country walking through the desert and swimming through dangerous waters to a whole new country where they most likely don’t speak the language and don’t know if they’ll survive it. But are scared to go to a new clinic because “they’ve never been there before.” I think it’s funny sometimes.

My therapist says my trust issues with ‘Saint could be from having abandonment issues. I didn’t think about it that way. But she might be right. I’ve had guys steal from me and leave me in the middle of the night…. Jeh Nay’s dad and I never slept in the same bed… SS would rather sleep in his roommate’s house 40 mins away…. The Unmentionable never showed up and Alex never stayed. So yeah, she might have a point.

AA never wanted to eat with me. He used to tell me it was because it was too late in the evening and did’nt want his stomach to hurt. Then I thought maybe he’s just used to eating junk food and fast food that it’ll take him some time to adjust. But then, one day, I caught him giving away the food I made him and ordering fast food. He also never sat with me, so I always ate alone. Still. Now, I have someone who appreciates my cooking and would rather eat that than fast food. That is a new and interesting feeling. It’s funny how life works.

You would be proud,