Vows

Dear Simone,

Does “I do” really mean forever?

I wanted it to.

I always daydreamed of my beach wedding and tall husband, the happily ever after. I did not get that.

I was in a black shirt that said “I’m not crazy, my reality is just different.” Rainbow colors. It was my favorite shirt until that day. I had cut up jeans, I think and I can’t remember what shoes I wore.

We were supposed to be there to ask questions at the Mosque. But I didn’t understand anything that was being said. We were sitting on a couch while the men were talking. The Sheikh told me to look at AA and tell him how I feel. Suddenly, we were saying “vows.” (I was not sober btw). The Sheikh brings a guy from the other room as a witness, signs the paper and gives it to AA to mail it in. I was so confused. I tried to shake his hand to thank him for his time but I wasn’t too sure what exactly I was thanking him for. He had to explain to me that Muslim men are not allowed to touch women. I was so embarrassed and I felt so stupid. I was angry with AA for not explaining anything to me. .. now what??

We went back “home” and I asked him to wait on sending it in the mail. I started crying and saying “I thought we were just asking questions !? Why didn’t you tell me anything !?” He asked me if I didn’t want to be married to him, I said “yes but I didn’t think it’d be so soon. I didn’t have time to think.” He said “ok, now we’re not living in sin.” Then he went to work… I cried for hours.

12 years have passed and I still can’t divorce him..

BB.